A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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