Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
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