Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
