Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
