And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize