I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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