can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
