So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
