i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
