she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
