Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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