What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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