jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
