I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
