...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
