i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
