Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
