Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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