Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
