So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
