ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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