I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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