Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
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