she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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