just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
someone owes me an orgasm
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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