The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
