No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
