Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize