But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
