Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
