A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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