My nipple is on Facebook.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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