how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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