You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
whose parrot is this?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
