i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
