Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
