I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You're a waste of cheezeits
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize