He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
