Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
do herpes really smell.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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