her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize
