Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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