All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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