an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
