Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
