My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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