kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
