Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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