Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
