I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
