Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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