someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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