so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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