you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
