That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
