You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
