when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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