Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
