i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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