nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
