there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
