He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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