Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
