she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
