Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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