yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
