You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
