Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
