I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
