i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize