i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
