I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
