When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
