Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
