tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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