Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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